Predicted Rating: 2 Stars
Directed by: Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow). Starring: Jeremy Renner (The Avengers), Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace) and Famke Janssen (X-Men).
This action-adventure-horror-dark fantasy film with elements of black comedy (quite clearly the best genre ever) is a twisted retelling of the traditional story of Hansel and Gretel written by the Brothers Grimm in 1812. After killing the witch who enslaved them in the gingerbread house, spurned by their hatred of women with supernatural powers, Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Arterton) become professional witch hunters. After their life story is told in paper animation montage style during the opening credits, Hansel and Gretel are called upon by the mayor of a small town. The town has been terrorised by witches, who have stolen 11 of the kids. H&G quickly discover that the witches require 12 kids born in different months to complete a ritual during a blood moon that makes them immune to fire. It is up to the dynamic duo to stop the coven of witches led by the Grand High Witch (Janssen).
Now, this film has received a plethora of bad credit by the critics. Upon review of what the critics have considered "good" over the last twelve months, i.e. what has been nominated for an Oscar, I have discovered that many of them are based around real stories. I am of course talking about films such as Lincoln, Zero Dark Thirty, and Argo. When I see a movie, I don't want to see something that is realistic and based on real life. If I want to watch that I will actually go out and live my life. I want to escape to a fantasy world where ambitions are high and imaginations run wild. I think my point was summarised quite well by Renner:
"We knew this was never going to be a movie for the critics. I'm just hoping that people go along and can have some fun with it. It's pure escapism."
This film is exactly how he described it, a bit a fun, but more importantly, a way of escaping from real life. You sit there thinking, how cool would it be to be doing this right now. However, I would of liked to see this film be more outrageous. Now it is pretty gory and violent (something the girl I was sitting next to was completely unprepared for) and it is better than what could be considered its main competitor, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Whether it was because of a lack of budget ($50 mill is not a huge amount for a movie of this genre these days), or poor direction, it just seemed to lack a bit of pizzaz. It often seemed to stay in it's shell and appeared nervous to break out. I would have loved it to do something to become completely ridiculous.
Based on my above point, here are my suggestions for including a moment to make the film completely ridiculous, each suggestion even more outrageous than the last:
- Instead of using common sense, Hansel trials the hot redhead accused of being a witch at the start Monty Python style and the scene from the Holy Grail is copied exactly. What else floats? Bread, Apples, Very Small Rocks, Churches, Lead, Cider. A Duck!
- Jeremy Renner i.e. Hawkeye, assembles the remainder of the Avengers and all the witched get fucked up within a matter of minutes.
- Will Ferrell (actually one of the producers) comes out dressed as Mugatu and proclaims - Hansel, he's so hot right now. Then Hansel and Famke Janssen have some sort of middle ages walk off.
- The twist in the film is that the Troll is not actually a Troll, but in fact a goblin. It is then revealed that H&G are in the town of Nilbog and everyone is attempting to turn them into plants so they can eat them. (If you are yet to be graced with the privileged of watching Troll 2, please let me know and I will explain the magic scene by scene).
- Famke Janssen used her telekinetic powers to call on the other X-Men to assist her. Their efforts are fruitless however as Professor X discovers that the wheelchair has not been invented in the 19th century.
Alright here comes my normal 3D rant. Wait no, I actually thought the 3D was used quite effectively compared to how other movies have used it in the past. There were a couple of times where I batted an eyelid because something, usually a severed limb, came flying towards my face. However, there was something very very wrong with the night scenes. I am not sure whether it was the cinema, they forgot to turn the brightness up, or it was the glasses but you couldn't see a damn thing! The scenes set during the day were fine, but those set during the evening was like someone forgot to take the lens cap off the camera. There was one occasion where I got two similar looking characters confused, leading me down a completely different plot line than what was actually occurring.
Overall: Not a fantastic film by any stretch of the imagination but the perfect excuse to sit down for 90 minutes and completely escape reality by imagining that you too may be a witch hunter in your spare time. 2.5 Stars.
Next Time: The comeback of the Govenator in The Last Stand
