Monday 24 March 2014

Need for Speed



Need for Speed (2104)

Predicted Rating: 2 Stars
Directed by: Scott Waugh. Starring: Aaron Paul, Dominic Cooper, Imogen Poots, Michael Keaton.

A big screen adaption of the biggest racing game series of all time, Need for Speed sees… well since the game has no story line, this really has no story either. All I gathered is that they need to travel to the other side of the country to participate in some maybe legal, maybe illegal race.

Whoa! The first 5 minutes of this film is absolutely bonkers! It starts off with the title sequence panning over old photos of kids winning car races. This is to be expected in this kind of movie, however it is narrated by Michael Keaton doing his Beetlejuice voice! He goes on to talk about how our main character (played by Aaron Paul) is constantly living in his brother’s shadow, which has absolutely nothing to do with the story whatsoever. Our main character is then informed of his father’s death, which again has no bearing on the story. He then receives a visit from his ex-girlfriend, who is also his best friend’s sister and his rival’s (named Dino! Cue laugh from The Flinstones) new girlfriend. It is then revealed that the main character’s best friend has visions of the future ala Final Destination and again, apart from a couple of ill-timed jokes, has no impact on the overall storyline. There is then a race, won by who you expect, then they are given the opportunity to reconstruct a car. Here I thought, great we get a montage and the story is set up. Nope, the car is all of a sudden completed. Finally, all of this in the first 5 minutes, they play the sexist card where you see the main female character as who appears to be the dumb blonde but then knows everything about cars. At this point I thought of standing up and saying I have seen all I have needed and walked out flipping tables on the way out.

In the end I am glad a stayed around because the craziness did not stop there. For a long time I was very, very confused about what year this was supposed to be set. For the beginning they drove old cars, wore vintage clothes and hung out at a drive in. I thought great, it is set in the 60’s, it is not very Need for Speed like but it could turn out to be interesting. Nope, within seconds they begin to play Need for Speed on the PS4 on a big screen TV mounted on the side of a truck. The final straw that made me lose all respect for this movie was a shameless plug for the director. In a very poorly shot chase scene located in an unusually large service station, Imogen Poots inadvertently knocks over a DVD rack. Fair enough, however, the only DVD located on this shelf is the director’s other movie, Act of Valour. Oh god why! Then there was the ending, SPOILER ALERT, it is obvious that Imogen Poots wants to bang Aaron Paul so the natural reaction when she finds out that he is going to jail for almost 6 months is to be disappointed. No, she smiles like she is happy! It is as if she is thinking, no I don’t mind that he get banged by other dudes in jail, it just means he will appreciate me more when he gets out.

Obviously the casting crew had seen the Top Gear segment Stars in Reasonably Priced Cars and determined that it is easier to teach drivers how to act than actors how to drive. The acting in this movie is appalling. Aaron Paul obviously has some talent after his performance in Breaking Bad but it doesn’t show here at all. Dominic Cooper is awful. All the supporting cast was awful. Then there was Imogen Poots. She played one of the most annoying characters in recent memory. She was supposed to be the strong female lead who attempts to shake the dumb blonde tag applied to her by her male counterparts. She in fact does the exact opposite. Sometimes she seems like she is confident with what she is doing and then all of a sudden she reverts to the ditsy blonde who needs help from the male leads. She is quite possibly the least likable character in a long time.
Overall: This movie is absolutely terrible, however it is a refreshing change from all the depressing Oscar movies that are out of this time of year because Need for Speed is actually fun. However I can’t give it anything 0 Stars

dino_flintstones

Friday 21 March 2014

Friday Throwback: Return to Oz



Return to Oz (1985)

Directed by: Walter Murch Starring: Fairuza Baulk, Piper Laurie, Nicol Williamson

Sixth months after returning home from Oz, Dorothy (Baulk) is struggling to return to normal life. She is sent to hospital but her mistreatment causes her to attempt an escape. She is swept down a river in torrential rain and when she wakes up, she finds herself in Oz once again. However, things have changed drastically since she has left. She must team up with new friends Tik Tok, Jack Pumpkinhead and the Gump to defeat the Nome King and return Oz to its former glory.

I am going to start by reading you an extract from the blurb on the DVD “If you loved The Wizard of Oz, you’ll love accompanying Dorothy on this second thrilling adventure based on L. Frank Baum’s “Oz” books!” No, no and no. Everything about that is wrong. This is absolutely nothing like The Wizard of Oz. People often discuss repressed memories, these are the events that occur for when you are a child that are so traumatic you forget them. For me, watching Return to Oz is exactly that. I completely forgot about watching this movie until I was reminded of its presence recently. I decided to watch it and all the bad memories came flooding back. This movie is freaky as shit! I was terrified as a child and I was terrified as an adult.

The film starts out with a moment that I probably didn’t understand as a 10 year old but completely threw me off my feet as an adult. Dorothy is struggling to sleep so her auntie and adoptive mother (played by Piper Laurie, who has a terrible track record with motherhood) sends her to an overnight stay at a psychiatric hospital. Fair enough because Dorothy is clearly sick but the doctor tries to give her electroshock therapy! She is a 8 year old girl for Pete’s sake! The creepiness does not stop there. One of the main enemies in the film, Princess Mombi, is a head-hunter who keeps the heads of young women she has captured in a big room on display. She can then change the head’s with her own! Holy shit! Then there is the ending. The team is forced by the Nome King to pick an ornament from a room full of them, which is supposed to be the scarecrow, or they are permanently turned into an inanimate object. Spoiler alert, everything works out ok in the end, but bloody hell, way to freak me out. Then there are the Wheelers. Forget iconic horror movie villians such as Pinhead, Freddy Kruger, and Jason Vorhees, the Wheelers are by far the freakiest villians to ever grace the screen. These things gave me nightmares for a long time.

When this movie was released, it was a massive financial flop. This was because of a couple of reasons, it holds the record for the longest time between the original and sequel (46 years) and it is way too dark and twisted for its target audience. In the end, I think this is a great movie, but as a horror movie, it is in no way suitable for children. I recommend watching this movie but on occasions think about what you would feel if you were watching this as a 10 year old.