2012 In Review

Every Movie, Every Rating

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey:  Not a good as it should have been and just a money maker. 3.5 Stars

Red Dawn: Pitiful excuse for an action film, gets its stars purely based on Chris Hemsworth's manliness. 1.5 Stars

Skyfall: Typical Bond film. 3.5 Stars

Dredd: Surprisingly good and simply badass. I am the law! 3.5 Stars

Paranormal Activity 4: I love these movies too much to give it any other rating. 5 stars

Bait: Terrible, terrible film. 0.5 Stars

The Watch: An all star cast couldn't make the weak plot shine. 1.5 Stars

The Expendables 2: 102 minutes of testosterone. 3.5 Stars

Total Recall: No where near as good as the original but still gives it a red hot crack. 3.5 stars

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter: Poor attempt at what could have been a really exciting film with an original concept. 2 stars

The Amazing Spiderman: Haven't I seen this recently somewhere before? 3 Stars

The Dark Knight Rises: A perfect ending to the fantastic Christopher Nolan Trilogy looking at the dark side of the legend. Top 100 Movies of All Time

Ted: Just like a good episode of Family Guy, inappropriately awesome. 4 Stars

Snow White and the Huntsman: How does Kristen Stewart have a career in acting? 2 Stars

Rock of Ages: Awesome soundtrack, weak story. 2.5 Stars

Prometheus: Not many people liked this film but I loved it! 5 Stars

The Dictator: Better than Bruno, but light years away from Borat. 2.5 Stars

Men in Black 3: Solid effort, better than the second but not as good as the first. 3 Stars

The Avengers: Box office winner for the year, appeals to everyone. I thought it lacked one or two things so I couldn't give it a perfect rating but it was close. 4.75 stars

Battleship: Surprisingly good mainly because Rhianna keeps her mouth shut and the sound is awesome, needs to be watched on a massive screen with awesome surround sound. 4 Stars

Chronicle: Tries to squeeze the last little bit of life out of the found footage genre. 2.5 Stars

Mission Impossible 4: Tom Cruise taking a beating for 2 hours so if you like that kind of thing... 3 Stars

The Hunger Games: Way better than I expected due to it's target audience but I am still unsure whether I am cool with kids killing each other for entertainment. 4 Stars

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Great take on the now infamous millennium trilogy with a distinctly Se7en feel. Performance of a lifetime by Rooney Mara. 4.5 Stars

21 Jump Street: Massive surprise. Jonah Hill is at his hilarious best and who thought Channing Tatum could be funny. 4 Stars

John Carter: Box Office Bomb of the year and deservedly so. Just like the date I was on at the time of viewing, dull and boring. 1.5 Stars

Underworld: Awakening: Underworld movies are never good, but hey Kate Beckinsale in leather. 2 Stars

The Devil Inside: One of the worst movies I have ever seen. Exemplified by the fact there was only two of us in the cinema and the old lady sitting infront of me after the movie turned around and said worst ending ever. 0 Stars

Iron Sky: As with Lincoln, fantastic concept but not well executed. 1.5 Stars

Piranha 3DD: Tries to be one of those movies that are so bad they are good but fails miserably. 0.5 Stars

Cabin in the Woods: Unique take on the traditional horror movie format. 4 Stars

Awards
Now, lets dish out some awards. There are you standard ones but I will see if I can come up with some unique ones

Best Movie: The Dark Knight Rises
Worst Movie: The Devil Inside
Best Male Performance: Mark Whalberg and Seth MacFarlane in Ted
Worst Male Performance: The Hoff in Piranha 3DD
Best Female Performance: Rooney Mara in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Worst Female Performance: Kristen Stewart in Snow White and the Huntsman
Best Director: Joss Wheedon for The Avengers
Surprise: 21 Jump Street
Disappointment: The Watch
OMG Marry Me Now: Emma Stone in The Amazing Spiderman
This is Fucking Awesome: The anticipation for the Merman in Cabin in the Woods  
And Now Make-Out: Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in Total Recall
Brown Pants Time: The ending to Paranormal Activity 4
Oh He is Actually Funny: Channing Tatem in 21 Jump Street
I'd Consider Switching Teams: Chris Hemsworth in Cabin in the Woods, The Avengers and Red Dawn