Total Recall

Total Recall (2012)

Predicted Rating: 1.5 stars

Directed by: Len Wiseman (Underworld, Live Free or Die Hard). Starring: Colin Farrell (Phone Booth, Fright Night), Kate Beckinsale (Underworld, Pearl Harbour), Jessica Biel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Blade: Trinity)

Total Recall is a remake of the 1990 movie of the same name based on the Phillip K. Dick short story We Can Remember it for You Wholesale. In this version Douglas Quaid (Farrell) is a lowly factory worker happily married to Lori (Beckinsale). They live in a post apocalyptic society that contains two factions United Federation of Britain and the Colony (formerly Australia) where workers living in the Colony travel to the UFB on a daily basis on a inner core gravity powered elevator. Quaid decides one evening to visit Rekall, a clinic that implants memories into your mind, giving the perception you have actually lived out those event. Things go wrong when it is revealed that Quaid is in fact a government spy and the life he thought he had lived in entirely fictional.

Oh look something refreshing, a remake, wait hasn't a remake of a classic film been done before. As a result of this, I really was gearing myself up to be thoroughly disappointed. However, this turned out to be quite a decent movie. This version is not really a scene to scene remake in such but borrows the idea and puts a different spin on it. I am tempted to read the original short story and see which is more like the book. There are a few throw backs to the 1990 version in the remake such as the three breasted woman and fat woman going through security but apart from the whole recall thing (spelt differently too) there are few similarities such as no trip to Mars in the 2012 version. It was also refreshing to see a movie containing two provinces didn't chose the eastern seaboard of America and... oh the western seaboard. If there was an Apocalypse, I would put my money on the yanks being the first ones to go.I was actually really excited at the prospect of some Aussies.

As well as the good bits, like any movie there were a few little plot holes that annoyed me. You could tell that this movie came about as a result of half an idea. The writers would have wanted to make a sci-fi containing two post-apocalyptic societies, one rich and one poor, starring Colin Farrell. This wouldn't stand alone so they had to do the old remake thing (bringing on the obviously ironically named Original Films). There were a couple of other things that ticked me off. One is how can you have a movie based in Australia and have NO AUSTRALIANS in it!? There wasn't even a hint of an Aussie accent, not even an American trying to do one. It was more like south east Asia. I was also thinking beforehand, wouldn't it be cool to have an action movie that contains no dubstep (thanks Inception). Alas, no less than 12 minutes in WUBWUBWUBWUB! and I let out a huge sigh (coming from the man who turned Nero up to 11 on the way home. Fortunately this was it's only appearance. Finally, I am not sure here but I think there one huge scientific anomaly. I may need a physicist to help me with this but I am sure "The Fall" wouldn't work as shown in the film. This is the elevator that goes from one side of the planet to the other through the core. In the film it shows that gravity is constant for the entire trip until the core is reached when over a 2-3 second period the gravity disappeared and then reversed. Using Newtonian physics I think the gravity would decrease slowly to the core, reverse and then increase slowly. I shouldn't hark on pedantics though, there were some cool tricks using the vomit comet.

One thing that kept me entertained during the movie was the Kate Beckinsale vs. Jessica Biel battle and who would I choose. Don't get me wrong Biel is an absolute fox but the whole movie she was crying and it go so annoying by the end. I was hoping that Arnie would bust in an yell STOP WHINING! So my vote goes to Beckinsale because she is a bonified bad-ass, I mean man can she kick some butt. Whether it is in this or rocking the leather in Underworld I am a huge fan. She is also absolutely smoking for a 39 year old. Hopefully she sees this and I will get a phone call sometime in the not too distant future.

Overall this was a very enjoyable and entertaining movie that kept me interested the whole time. There were a few things I enjoyed like some of the maybe not so subtle symbolism i.e. like Rekall being exactly like a brothel and the Yanks having a dig at us for being a bunch of criminals. I really think this would be one of my favourites of the year if it wasn't a remake and an original idea. Unfortunately it is not and I still prefer the original.

Overall Verdict: I was tempted to give one star for each breast but it is slightly better than that so 3.5 Stars

Next week: Time to take some roids, compare muscle mass, and flip some tables: Expendables 2

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Predicted Rating: 2.5 Stars

Directed by: Timur Bekmambetov. Starring: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper (Captain America), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Scott Pilgrim).

Vampire Hunter is based on a graphic novel written by Seth Grahame-Smith that is set in an alternative universe (or maybe not) where Abraham Lincoln (Walker) juggles being president with hunting vampires. The movie starts with Lincoln as a child when he witnesses his mother killed by a vampire. It then moves through his life outlining is progression as a vampire hunter, meeting his wife Mary and leading victory in the civil war.

The build up to this movie was fairly subdued. There was very little advertising on television for it, only those who really paid attention to up-coming movies new much about what was planned for this movie, and I really wasn't all too excited for it. This was really reflected in the cinema when there was only about 15 people in the cinema on opening night. It was no The Devil Inside (when it was just me and some old woman in the theatre) but it was a change from The Dark Knight Rises, which had about 400 people in the same cinema at a similar time a couple of weeks ago. This really meant that the peculiar story coupled with the lack of promotion meant this movie had the billings for a modern day cult classic, joining to company of such films as Anchorman and Scott Pilgrim. However this film lacks that something that makes a movie a cult classic. Even though it was fairly cool, the plot line and visuals had something very standard about them and there was nothing really special about it.

The special effects of this movie are pretty awesome. It aims to have the same effect as 300 and Sin City, and even though it falls short of the visual spectacle of the aforementioned movies, it is probably on par with Suckerpunch of last year. I loved Suckerpunch so this is actually a big compliment. The train scene at the end is nothing short of spectacular and the decision to make the vampires have the ability to disappear was genius and really added to the spectacle of the film. If there is one thing that makes this movie awesome it is the special effects. I know I said a few weeks ago that special effects really aren't special anymore but the ones in this film are something else.

Even though the effects were awesome, I do have a few gripes about the characters. The addition of Lincoln's mentor is a weird one. Even though I can see his place in the film, his presence is almost annoying. I will compare him to herpes, he sort of just shows up every now and then, most of the time at the most inconvenient times. Other than that I really couldn't stop chuckling at Jimmi Simpson playing a serious role. He was actually quite good but for those who don't know I am a huge fan of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. In this show he plays Liam McPoyle, a member of an inbred hillbilly family who are a constant torment to the gang. I really just expected him to start drinking milk in his bath robe and then the entire family rock up in their trailer. From the wise mind of Charlie "Look at you, your dancing with the entire McPoyle family, what a bunch of freaks, but it's ok, because your green man!"

I really expected this movie to be more patriotic. Lincoln is a huge figure in American History so I expected him to be draped in an American flag playing America, Fuck Yeah. However this was not the case, which actually slightly disappointed me. Maybe it was because of an international director or trying to stay away from this (he is from Kazakhstan, which is awesome!) or the American's have had this drilled into their brains so many times they would be sick of it. The rise of power for Lincoln, the freedom of the slaves and the battles of the civil war were all included but their build up lacked the gusto you'd expect from the Americans. There is even a joke made at the end about Lincoln's assassination, something the I'd never thought that would happen. However this means that there will be no sequel, hooray, something very rare for a movie these days. Unless they decide to make George W Bush: Paranormal Investigator or Sarah Palin: Witch Hunter (obviously played by Tina Fey).

This movie is really made by it spectacular special effects. The storyline etc. are very stock standard despite the peculiar premise, hence this movie I believe will really just fade out of existence and will not grace too many people's DVD collection. However, I still recommend going and watching this movie if you do have a night at the movies planned. It is a fairly entertaining movie, it just lacks that special something. Oh and whilst I remember I will complain how much I hate 3-D. I haven't seen a 3-D movie for a while so I forgot how much I hate having to wear those stupid hipster glasses. I really did feel like throwing them away half way through. I am probably joined by many but I hope this fad fades out fast, curse you Avatar!

Overall: 2.5 stars. Better than Van Helsing but not as good as Blade. Entertaining but could have been more unique.

Next Week: There is a bit of a lull for movies for the next couple of weeks. The Campaign is out next week but all I see that is a star vehicle for Will Ferrel and Zach Galafiankas so I am not excited. The Bourne Legacy is also out in two weeks but again, this really doesn't get the juices flowing. I could see Step Up 4: Miami Heat but I'd rather knock myself off, resuscitate myself and kill myself again. "Inspirational" dancing movies would have to be the worst genre of movies ever. I may have to wait a few weeks till Total Recall comes out. Yay Jessica Biel and Kate Beckensdale! 

Even though this really has no relevance to this review I wanted to add this in. I saw 4 new trailers for upcoming movies today, 2 that made me quite excited and 2 that made me cringe. The first one I saw was for Paranormal Activity 4. Not too many people I know like these movies, but I absolutely love them so naturally the first trailer got me quite excited. The second one was for The Hobbit. It is a given that this movie will be good so this was a pleasing trailer. Now to the two bad trailers. The first was for the new Resident Evil movie. Really, do we need a fifth one? I think the relevance of this movie was summed up by the stereotypical flying text, Mila Jocovich... in 3-D! The final one was for something that could possibly the worst idea of all time. It is for an Australian movie named Bait. It starts off as what appears to be a serious drama when a couple goes to a shopping centre near a beach (this is key) when the girl is shot by an armed robber, when suddenly BAM! a tsunami hits. Somehow people in this shopping centre survive with the water level conveniently just below the level of the shelves (key again). So then you expect it to be a survival movie from the tsunami, but no, another twist, dun dun dun!!!! A Great White Shark makes it into the shop and slowly eats the people trapped inside. What annoys me is that it is only 12 feet long, that is tiny! We keep them at that size as pets instead of gold fish in Perth, much more kid friendly. Also whilst all this is happening, Lincoln Lewis is just chilling out in his 100% waterproof car on the floor with his missus. All this reminded me of was of Manos, Hands of Fate (literally the second worst movie of all time), where one of the actresses broke her leg so they placed her in a car on the side of the road making out with someone the whole movie with no contribution to the plot. It also features many people that are on Home and Away so we can make it interesting by pretending it is actually them dieing. Seriously go see this trailer, it is awful.