Predicted Rating: 1.5 Stars
Directed by: Jon M. Chu. Starring: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (Walking Tall), kind of Channing Tatum (21 Jump Street) and sort of Bruce Willis (Die Hard).
Set after the events of the 2009 shamble, G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, G.I. Joe: Retaliation sees the Joes, now lead by Duke (Tatum) and his deputy, Roadblock (Johnson), infiltrate a military base in Pakistan with their mission to seize their nuclear weapons. The Joes are then framed for the murder of the Pakistan President and are attacked immediately after the mission, ultimately ending in the death of Duke. It is revealed that the President of the USA has been captured and impersonated by master of disguise, Zartan. He sets out to free Cobra Commander and Sir Not Appearing in this Film, i.e. Destro, from a maximum security prison to fulfil the ultimate goal of destroying the world. Roadblock enlists the help of former Joe, General Joseph Colton (Willis), to destroy Cobra Commander and save the world.
If you are looking for a film to challenge your mind and break boundaries, this is not the film for you. It is about as intelligent as the cast from the Jersey Shore. Well that was a bit harsh but it was the only analogy I could think of. The plot is as easy to follow as a fat guy who is running away with your stuff and the dialect appeared to be written by a two year old. However, the thing that was most disconcerting about this film was the insistence of constantly repeating the characters name. It is not just a repetition though, it is a pure emphasis. Don't you agree ROADBLOCK. Yes I do SNAKE EYES. Yes I remembered your name the first time you mentioned it.
After the disappointment of the first instalment of this series, it was definitely time to call in the cavalry and there are no two bigger names in action movies that The Rock and Bruce Willis. The Rock is starting to develop a habit for answering the call to save franchises. He almost single handily resurrected the Fast and the Furious by appearing in Fast 5. He then essentially added some renewed interest for the hillbillies in WWE. Then there is Bruce Willis. His appearance could add some credibility to even the worst of movie franchises, that's right his appearance would even make me consider watching a Twilight film. So the question is, do they make G.I. Joe: Retaliation a good film? The answer is probably no. However, without their appearance, it would be even more of a shamozle than it already is, causing it to lose a heap of money. So in the end, this was a very, very wise move by the producers.
When I was watching the film, I knew that there was something slightly wrong with the direction but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. There were some very good action scenes, such as the one where they are fighting on the mountainside, that would look fantastic on paper, but didn't really translate onto the screen. As a normal part of my review, I consult the very reliable source of Wikipedia to determine what other films our director has been involved in. Upon reading the profile of Jon M. Chu, I soon realised why I was slightly put off. His credits contained not one, but two Step Up movies and what was even worse, he directed the Justin Bieber movie. Really! Allowing those to appear on your Wikipedia page is like completing a Chemistry degree at uni and putting on your resume that you worked at the strippers to fund your way through uni. What was even worse was that I found out he is slated to direct a new Masters of the Universe film. The only thing that could save that now is that Dolph Lundgren reprises his role as He-Man.
In the end this is a reasonably dull and standard action film. It really just goes through the motions and adds nothing new to the genre. Even the additions of Bruce Willis and The Rock seem to obvious and cliche'. Something that would have added a bit of spice to the film would be including the dubbed G.I. Joe public service announcements that have been around on the interwebs for a while. If you haven't seen them before make sure you look them up, they are a good laugh.
Overall: Things blow up, people get shot. 2 Stars
Next Time: I am super excited about Jurassic Park, one of the best movies ever made, being re-released in cinemas so I am watching that just to hear the T-Rex roar in surround sound.
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