The Expendables 2

The Expendables 2 (2012)

Predicted Rating: Who the hell knows

Directed by: Simon West. Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Dolph Lundgren, Liam Hemsworth, Yu Nan, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Charisma Carpenter, Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Well this is one movie where the plot does not matter at all but I will go through it anyway. After rescuing Trench (Arnie), the crack team known as the Expendables (Stallone, Statham, Li, Crews, Couture, Lundgren and Hemsworth) are sent on a mission by Church (Willis) to retrieve some unknown information from a crashed aeroplane. With the help of technical expert Maggie Chan (Nan), the team retrieves the information but are immediately jumped by mercenaries known as the Sangs lead by Jean Vilain (Van Damme). Vilain murders Barney Ross' (Stallone) protege', Billy the Kid (Hemsworth) to obtain what the Expendables were sent in to get. With the help of a few friends, Ross and his team move into eliminate the Sangs before they destroy everything.

This movie aims to do one thing, and one thing only, be fun and I can telly you what, this movie is an absolute blast. I went in really not expecting much. The first one really didn't live up to it's hype as a collection of action stars kicking arse. In the end it was really just Jason Statham and Charisma Carpenter arguing all the time. Whether this was to try and show the more human side in an attempt to expand it's target audience, who knows. All that sort of stuff is thrown out of the window in the sequel. It ends up being a balls out action flick. They even try to expel any sniff of targeting the female audience by knocking off Hemsworth towards the start of the movie. This really is one for the blokes.

My favourite part of the movie really was the stupidly obvious cameos that are thrown in. The first of these was right at the start of the movie. Anticipation rose and rose as an ample bodied man sat tied to a chair with his head covered by a burlap sack. Who could it be? Van Damme? Willis? Santa? No it is the one and only Arnie. Pfft did he really need all that help to get him out of there. I highly doubt it but the rescue tactics employed by Stallone and his crew were a hoot. Then comes Willis. Immediately after rescuing Arnie they meet up with the bald headed, potato chinned master. In his typically raspy voice he barks orders that no man would turn down. Finally they save the best to last. The scene is set, the crew is trapped in an old abandoned replicate city in the Siberian tundra. They are surrounded by enemies when they all run out of ammunition (a first for an action movie). One bullet remains in Stallone's gun, so in a hasty decision, he almost suicidally runs out to take one last man out. All of a sudden, in a flash, all of the enemies, maybe 30 of them, all fall down in a heap. The Expendables are struck with confusion, what the hell just happened? Then through the smoke appears a god-like figure. That's right, Chuck Norris. At this moment the cinema erupted into a rousing applause to the extent that our lives had been save. It was followed by immense laughter after they even threw in a Chuck Norris joke. The cameo was really just handed to us on a plate with a big name tag attached to it but it worked so well.

After the movie, many discussions were had over who we wanted to be in the next movie. After looking at the wikipedia article (so who knows how true this is). There is the potential to have Nic Cage, Wesley Snipes, Steven Seagal and Clint Eastwood in the next one. Clint Eastwood and Steven Seagal would make sense, they make the number of face-lifts quota. The following people would be on my list to include in the next instalment:

• Bruce Campbell (The Evil Dead Series): The human chin with his boomstick and chainsaw for his hand would be perfect
• Christopher Walken (Every movie ever made): Do I need to say more
• Rick Moranis (Ghostbusters): It would look hilarious him standing next to Terry Crews.
• Kate Beckinsale (Underworld): It would make sense to include a female action star in the net sequel and there are none better, hot hot hot!

Now technically speaking, this is an absolutely terrible movie. The acting is awful, there is little to no plot and the character development is as scarce as water on Mars. However, this movie does not care about any of the previous elements and was made to entertain and entertain it does.

Overall Rating: One for the boys 3.5 Stars

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